Which brings me to the second part of this entry. The reason I titled it this is because I believe it wholeheartedly. I’ve seen the Father do this for me several times in my life. Sometimes, the things we go through are hard to get through and we don’t know where to turn. We feel alone and abandoned, but we are never really alone. God is always there. I know this and it is about the only thing keeping me sane right now.
When everyone else has left you, when you feel abandoned by people who are supposed to live you and people who say they care about you, the Father will always be there for you. He will never leave you and He knows what you’re goin’ through. He loves us and He will help us if we ask Him for it.
For the past few days, I’ve been goin’ through some emotional turmoil and I’ve needed comfort and reassurance from someone to get me through this difficult time. I believe God puts people in our lives to help us through times that are difficult. Alex did that for me a few days ago. I can always count on Alex to help me and not judge me. But recently, I’ve just felt so lost and alone I don’t know what to do. My faith is the only thing keepin’ me looking up right now. It’s not like I can count on anyone else to help me. Alex is the only friend I have who will truly listen and try and help me.
You’re probably wonderin’ what I’m talkin’ about now. I’ll explain.
Yesterday, my earthly father starts on me verbally for not taking a shower. I had washed up, but it wasn’t good enough for him. He then says that he doesn’t want to see me in my pj’s or somethin’. He then took a nap. When he woke up, I was workin’ on somethin’. I come downstairs to get a drink or whatever and he starts on me again. This time, he threatens to kick me out because I didn’t take a shower yet. He then moved from kicking me out to taking me to look for a job this morning.
Well fast forward to the drive to the place. Throughout the whole thing, he’s ranting and raving about how much I’m like my mother, which I’m not. He also said some pretty hurtful things to me. He basically told me that he didn’t’ care if our relationship suffered and he didn’t care how he treated me as long as I got a job. Now wonder some people have the wrong impression of our Heavenly Father. It’s people like my earthly father who give God a bad name! They’re the ones that make their children believe God isn’t a loving father. Fortunately, I know the truth, thanks to God working through Monica and Gloria. But I Know there are a lot of people out there who don’t know the truth or have a distorted version of the truth because of how their earthly father treats them.
This is exactly why I can’t talk to my earthly father about anythin’ at all. I’m always the problem. I’m the one who needs to change. I’m the one who isn’t’ perfect enough or good enough. My earthly father should thank God for me and realize what a blessing he has. I mean there are young adults out there who are doin’ drugs, getting into criminal trouble and God knows what else. But I’m not like that. You think my earthly father would be grateful for who I turned out to be after workin’ in schools where kids are doin’ things they shouldn’t.
The main reason I feel so alone is I can’t talk to the person who claims to love me and care about me. And you guessed it. That person is Heather. Last night, we talked but I wasn’t up for acting. I tried my best, but she knew something’ was wrong. I told her what was goin’ on. She asked me what she could do. I told her to pray for me. She did. Then just today, I get on IM and she said prayin’ didn’t work and she wasn’t goin’ to do it anymore. I explained that prayers are answered in the Father’s time. She then asked me what else she could do. I told her to keep prayin’. She said no. I told her prayer is powerful. I then explained to her what happened. After I was done, she told me not to talk to her anymore. I don’t get it. I really don’t. Why is that she tells me I can talk to her about anythin’, but when I try and it’s serious, she shuts me out? Friends aren’t supposed to do that to one another. I should be able t o tell her what’s goin’ on without bein’ afraid she’ll turn me away. Before Heather told me not to talk to her anymore, she accused me of feelin’ sorry for myself! I told her not to make that assumption and that she had no idea what was goin’ on. I’m feelin’ anythin’ but that. I’m feelin’ hurt, emotionally tired and alone. I need a friend to talk to right now. I need a friend who will be there for me and really listen and who won’t judge me. I know that God is always there and I do talk to Him every day and night. But I just feel so frustrated, lost, confused and hurt right now.
I know everythin’ will work out in the Father’s time, but I really need a lot of prayer right now. I know prayer is powerful and it can change lives for the better. I’ve seen it change mine countless times.
Mesai an and Aloha for now
What? He loves you
When? Always, forever, without ceasing.
How? Unconditionally, totally and completely.
Why? Because you are His child